WW WA PP ATR

A man traveling by plane was in urgent need of a rest room facility, but each time he tried, it was occupied. The flight attendant, aware of his predicament, suggested he use the attendants' LADIES room, but cautioned him not to press any of the buttons. There next to the paper roll were four buttons marked respectively:

WW WA PP ATR
Making the mistake soooo many men make of not listening to a woman, he disregarded what she said when his curiosity got the best of him. He carefully pressed the WW button and immediately a gentle flush of Warm Water sprayed on his bare bottom. He thought, "Wow, these gals really have it nice."

So, a little more boldly he pressed the WA button. Body temperature warm Air blew across his wet bottom and dried it comfortably. "Ah-hah", he thought, "no wonder these women take so long in the bathroom with these kind of services!"

So he pushed the next button, PP, with anticipation. A soft disposable Powder Puff swung below him and dusted his bottom lightly with talc. Man, this is great, he thought as he reached out for the ATR button..."

When he awoke in the hospital, the morphine was just wearing off, so in confusion, he buzzed the nurse to find out where he was and what had happened. He explained the last thing he remembered was intense pain in the ladies room on the plane.

The nurse explained, "Yes, you must have been having a great time until you pushed the Automatic Tampon Removal button. By the way, your penis is under your pillow."

SHE WAS SO BLONDE...

She thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.
She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
She thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.
She thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.
Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics".
She tried to drown a fish.
She tripped over a cordless phone.
She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said
"concentrate".
She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
She got stabbed in a shoot-out.
She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK".
She sat on the TV and watched the couch.
She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
If you gave her a penny for intelligence, you'd get change back.
They had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.
She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here", she put
"Sagittarius".
She asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
It takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
If she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless.
She studied for a blood test - and failed.
She thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.
She sold the car for gas money.
When she saw the "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got
16 friends.
When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
She thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill.
When she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
She took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she
turned around and went home.

THE LITTLE OLD LADY AND THE BET

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!" After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office(the customer is always right!). The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk.
The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around.
Where did you get this money?" The old lady replied, "I make bets." The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?" The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square."
"Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!" The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?" "Sure," said the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!"
The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 am as a witness?" "Sure!" replied the confident president. That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure that there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet.
The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet: "$25,000 says the president's balls are square!"
The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president complied. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them. "Well, Okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure." Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall.
The president asked the old lady, "What the hell's the matter with your lawyer?" She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00am today, I'd have The Bank of Canada's president's balls in my hand."

Ralph was driving home one evening when he suddenly realizes that it's his daughter's birthday and he hasn't bought her a present.
He drives to the mall, runs to the toy store and says to the shop assistant, "How much is that Barbie in the window?"
In a condescending manner, she says "Which Barbie?" She continues, "We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00".
Ralph asks, "Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?"
"That's obvious" the sales lady says. "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture..."

The student looked the professor dead in the eyes and said slowly, "I didn't think so", as he lifted up one of the stacks half way, shoved his test neatly into the center of the stack, let the stack fall burying his test in the middle, turned around, and walked casually out of the huge lecture hall.

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